Imago Intentional Dialogue

Imago Intentional Dialogue 是一种用来修复情感的方法，但其中的核心范式也可以用于日常工作沟通，用来避免一些无谓的争论、鸡同鸭讲……

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http://www.jdmcounselor.com/The_Imago_Intentional_Dialogue.pdf

• Intentional Dialogue 将对话分成一个一个子对话。

• 每个子对话中，对话的双方一方为 Sender，一方为 Receiver，Sender 表达自己的感受，想法，Receiver 理解并复述。Sender 听完 Receiver 的复述后再对其中不准确的内容进行修正，如此往复直到 Receiver 清楚且准确的理解 Sender 要表达的内容。

• 最后 Receiver 总结，Sender 确认无误，一个子对话结束。

• 下一个子对话中双方角色互换。

简而言之，就是强制打断一方迫不及待表达自己想法或者辩解的冲动，保持单向表达，让一方能够真正明白另一方想要表达的内容，而不是 自己以为的对方想要表达的内容 。

“Mirror my feelings even though you don’t agree with them. Let me know you understand what I’m trying to say.”

Intentional Dialogue 不是讨论问题，也不能解决问题，它只是通过这种强制的、有点怪异的方式让双方真正了解彼此的所思所想，为后续问题的解决开辟出一条路。

其它一些技巧：

• 不要有非言语行为（各种小动作），不要打断对方，Don’t be judgmental。

• Talk about yourself 只表达自己的感受，而不要指责对方（finger pointing），使用 I messages ， 说：“when that happens I feel…”， “when you did that I felt…” 而不是说： “you make me feel…”

对话示例：

Sender	Initiates	“I would like to have a dialogue, can we do this now?”
Receiver	Respects	“Yes.”
Sender	States Topic in One Sentence	“I want to talk about what happens when you come home from work.”
Receiver	Respects	“Okay, I want to hear you.”
Sender	Sends	“What I’m concerned about is that in the evening when you come home I don’t get greeted or acknowledge by you.”
Receiver	Mirrors	“What I heard you say is that I don’t acknowledge you.”
Receiver	Checks	“Is this accurate?”
Sender	Answers and sends a correction	“No, what was missing is that in the evening when you come home I don’t get greeted by you.”
Receiver	Mirrors again	“So what you said is that in the evening when I come home I don’t greet you or acknowledge you.”
Receiver	Checks	“Is this accurate now?”
Sender	Answers	“Yes.”
Receiver	Asks for More	“Is there more about what you just said?”
Sender	Answers and Sends	“Yes there’s more. When this happens I feel afraid that you don’t really love me and I feel alone.”
Receiver	Mirrors	“What I heard you say is that when this happens you feel afraid that I don’t really love you and you feel alone.”
Receiver	Checks	“Is this accurate?”
Sender	Answers	“Yes.”
Receiver	Asks for More	“Is there more about what you just said?”
Sender	Answers	“No.”
Receiver	Summarizes	“To summarize, what I heard you say is that when I come home from work I don’t greet you or acknowledge you. And, this makes you afraid that I don’t really love you and it makes you feel alone.”
Receiver	Checks	“Was this a good summary?”
Sender	Answers	“Yes.”
Receiver	Validates	“And what you said makes sense because if you’re not getting my attention you can’t know whether I love you, and that would make you feel alone, and in a relationship you are supposed to feel connected?”
Receiver	Empathizes(Sender Listens only)	“And I imagine how this makes you feel is hurt.”
Receiver	Checks	“Is this accurate?”
Sender	Answers and sends a correction	“No, what I need to hear you say is that it makes me feel unloved and alone.”
Receiver	Empathizes Again	“And how this makes you feel is unloved and alone.”
Receiver	Checks	“Is this accurate?”
Sender	Answers	“Yes.”
Receiver	Encourages	“In order to encourage you starting tomorrow when I come home I will give you a hug and a kiss.”
Sender	Invites a Response	“Would you like to respond and have me be the receiver?”
Receiver	Answers and sends	“Yes, I would like you to understand how I feel after a long day at work.”

(At this point the couple has switched roles, and a new dialogue begins.)